cultivating me

And today, the boys and I became very very virtuous.

(5 hours after I originally typed this and we are back on the road and once again have signal! Yay!)

I was hoping to be typing this from the comfort of the guest room in my Aunt and Uncle’s house.

The time right now is 4:06pm and our train is stuck on the tracks behind a broken down freight train- has been for over 4 hours now. When we’ll get out of here? I don’t know. What I do know is that we are currently about 100 miles south of Eugene,Oregon and Eugene is approximately 6 hours south of our final destination. So if we were to start moving right this moment and avoid any further delays we will arrive at least 5 hours later than scheduled. That’s a HUGE delay!!!

But, you know what? I don’t mind all that much. There is nothing we an do about it and getting mad is only going to accomplish just that – me getting mad and making an unpleasant situation that much worse. I do feel bad that my Aunt and Uncle will have to come retrieve us from the station at such a late hour and I am sad this is taking away from our playtime there and I am REALLY not looking forward to the prospect of trying to sleep another night (or at least a portion of it) on this triangle again. However, we are doing our best to grin and bear it.

At one point, we were actually allowed to exit the train and walk around among the forrest which was surrounding us. Unfortunately, we moved down the tracks a bit before stopping again and there does not seem to be a place for us to stretch our legs at the moment. (Once we get out of this forrest and down the mountain, I should have Internet access again and so I’ll be able to upload a couple if pictures from today. It is absolutely beautiful here – unlike anythinng we see at home in Los Angeles!

I am most proud of my sons… Luis and Enrique are tired and getting a bit of cabin fever since they are used to spending hours outside playing rather than trapped inside a small place with a bunch of strangers. And yet, they rare hanging in there and have even been helping to entertain two younger kids sitting in the row in front of us. They shared their toys and played cards games and talked about just about everything under the sun with them. I am sure it is nice for my kids to have these kids to hang out with but it is also so great to see how readily they share and how willing they bare to just be nice since we are all stuck in this together. I can tell they are tired and I can see them getting frustrated with the situation, but I also see them get ore it and continue to try to make the best of it.

And I am even more proud of the fact those two are setting such a better example than some adults on this train – there has been a lot of yelling, cursing, banging on seats and other nonsense from some people – it has sort of beam amusing

I’ve got such great kids

I just couldn’t resist the alliteration

My boys and I are traveling on a train and are currently just north of San Luis Obispo. I can tell you this because I am sitting here typing while connected to a Sprint MiFi card. And while I often complain about technology in terms of our constant connection to it as well as our perceived NEED for it, this is not one of those times.

I am also one who dislikes taking things like DVD players along for car rides and I even loathe taking a computer or having the ability to check my email while on vacation. You see, for me? Vacation is supposed to be a chance to get away from it all and how can we do that if we take everything along with us?

Yet again, today I am grateful for the tech in my backpack – not just because it is giving us a variety of things to do while on this train for 32 hours but because once we finally get off the train for 10 days of playing with my Aunt and Uncle, I will be able to stay connected to the people I love at home.

My girl stayed behind so she could attend her musical theatre rehearsals and sweets is staying home to go to work (no fun!) I’ve never been away from either of them for this long and as silly as it sounds, I miss them already. But, I have a phone in my pocket and a computer in my bag along with this MiFi card which will allow me to not just talk to them but video chat with them – yay! for Skype And talking to them won’t be the same as being there in person, being able to see their faces will make them seem not quite so far away.

So once again, I take back the complaints I’ve made and instead will embrace the technology I am so fortunate to have.

These past few weeks I’ve been struggling with keeping the house together.  It seems no matter how much I clean, the mess just does not seem to go away.  It got me thinking.  I know other families whose homes always seem so clean and more importantly so much cleaner than mine.  I know I have kids and dogs but these families, they have kids and dogs too so what’s the difference?

So it seems these other families have cleaner homes for one of two main reasons (or even both):  1) They have help, someone who comes in at least once a week to mop, scrub counters and toilets, maybe do some laundry and just tidy up in general.  If I had help like that my house would be cleaner but I’m guessing it wouldn’t solve the problem completely.  Which leads me to the second reason other people seem to have cleaner homes… 2) they have LESS STUFF than I do.  I know for sure that if we had less stuff, my house would be cleaner – for reals! Less stuff = less things to put away, clean organize, and more room to just breathe.

So I’ve been on a quest to get rid of the stuff around here.  I did not realize just exactly how much stuff we have until i started making trip after trip after trip after trip to the Goodwill and to the library (and I haven’t even begun to think about what’s in the garage – it’s not a car, i’ll tell you that, there’s no room for one in there!).  I also did not realize how often I hold onto things thinking it might come in handy one day or that I’ve held onto things I never use because they were a gift  and  I don’t want to hurt the person who gave it to me by giving it away.  I’ve also learned that while I love to read, I really DO NOT have to have shelves and shelves filled with books that I think I’ll read someday but most likely won’t get around to.  I won’t die if I only have a few of my favorites and a couple new ones on the shelf.  Oh, and I’ve learned I have to stop buying books.  It’s okay to get a new book every now and then but not every single time I walk into a bookstore -or maybe I can buy just one instead of five?

What I do know is that while  I still may have a long way to go in terms of getting rid of the excess in my house, I am already feeling better and happier in my home as I clear it out.  And that? helps me want to keep going  Now, the next challenge will be to not bring in new stuff to fill in the empty spaces created by getting rid of the old stuff.

What about you?  Do you struggle with too much stuff?  How do you keep yourself from letting it build up again?  Any great organizing tips?

Lessons are like life’s simple pleasures, they are everywhere. Some weeks hold more lessons than others and some lessons are more profound than others.  It’s been nice to have the opportunities to be on the look out for them. Here’s what I learned this week.

• I have amazing kids!
• If I my kids know that I am having trouble sleeping and I tell them at dinner I think I might be going a little bit crazy because of it, the next morning they just might let me sleep in the next day.  And, when I wake up the next morning confused and a bit panicked because you missed your alarm and woke up 2 hours late, I might find them cleaning up and making pancakes and orange juice for breakfast.
• If I sit down to that breakfast made by the kids, I will feel more loved and cared for than I have for a long long time.
• It’s okay to accept help even when I didn’t ask for it.
• When your neighbors put a wooden bench out on the curb with their trash, they most likely put it there for a good reason.
• Even if I decide to ignore that logic and the smarts of my neighbors and think it LOOKS okay, it might still just fall apart – oops!

• Patience is a virtue and I am not very virtuous – the universe keeps giving me opportunities to learn
• I really really like to write here on my little blog.
• It is officially summer (at least in my world) not when the kids get out of school, not when the calendar says so but only when I can walk into the grocery and smell the fruit – peaches, cherries, melons, oh my

and finally…

• No matter how many time I push the ‘unlock’ button on my car key, the front door of my house will remain locked.

What did you learn this week?  Hop on over and visit Julie @ From Inmates to Playdates and share

A couple of weeks ago I was talking with my Aunt about some things going on in my life and about my struggle to understand God.  I mentioned I was angry at God but somehow found that anger comforting – I mean if I’m angry at the guy,  that at least means he’s there to be angry at, right?  She immediately told me to read this book.  Her sell, however, wasn’t the best she told me it was about a man whose daughter is kidnapped and evidence is found that she was brutally murdered.  (Ummmmmm,  Auntie?  I’m not really sure that’s the kind of book I want to be reading right now) But she then told me he goes back to the place where his daughter was taken and God speaks to him.  That the book is about God’s love for us.  I found that interesting so I ordered it up from my local library.

This book got to me in ways I never imagined.   Multiple times, I found myself crying and not fully understanding why.  It’s a good book and I wish I had bought it so I could pass it on to someone else. Just today I was talking with someone who I think would really like this book.  She actually showed interest in it and I wanted so badly to hand it to her and say here, read it, you’ll be glad you did.

It wrestles with some of the questions I’ve had myself about this God we keep hearing about and I found some of the answers very comforting.  It talks about the kind of God I always thought God was and not about God the way many of the churches I’ve gone to portray him as.  I don’t wanna get too deep or give away the story.  You can read more of my thoughts on this book and the description from the back cover here.

So I made a Life List.  It’s not done yet but I keep adding to it as things occur to me.  I’ve changed and edited it along the way too and it will probably always be ‘in progress’.  The simple act of writing these things down has changed my whole outlook on life. I see my days differently and have found myself smiling while putting plans together to cross off items on the list.

Which leads me to item #26 on my list:  becoming more involved in my community.  I’ve lived here 10 years and while I know my neighbors and some parents from the schools my kids go to, I really don’t know much else that goes on around here.  A couple of weeks ago, I met a new neighbor while knocking on doors looking for the owner of a lost dog we found while on a walk.  She told me that our neighborhood has a Yahoo group – I had no idea!  I joined and a few days later, saw a request for volunteers to help with the upcoming Town Council elections.

This is something that I normally might shy away from but getting involved in my community means that I have to find ways to get out of my comfort zone.

Originally, I was hoping to actually help at the polls but the timing didn’t work out, but I was able to help count the ballots after the election.  Altadena is a ‘small’ town among big cities and our election reflected as much. Part of me was amused, walking up to the polling place, making an ‘X’ next to the candidate of my choice, folding the paper and placing it in a cardboard box – so radically different than the ballot I’ll be filling out on Monday for California’s primary elections.  These ballots must then be counted by hand and I felt very privileged to be among those volunteers.  I firmly believe in our right as citizens to have our voices here and our votes counted.  It was special for me to have such an active role in making that possible.

It took just about an hour for 8 of us to count then double count almost 800 votes and determine the winners.  I met some great people and learned new things about this town I live in.  On top of that, I firmly believe in our right as citizens to have our voices here and our votes counted.  It was special for me to have such an active role in making that possible.

I don’t consider #26 completed and not sure I ever will, I hope this is just the first small step in meeting more neighbors, getting to know this town better, and finding ways to get involved.

What about you?  How do you get involved in your community?

We have a small room out behind the garage This room has been many many things throughout the history of this house.  My great grandfather was a dentist and he used to use that little room to see patients and pulled many teeth back there.  (I will always find that amusing) My grandmother used it mostly for storage.  When I first moved into this house with my kids, it was a play room or sorts for them.  They had this carpet in there with roads on it and all three kids would spend hours back there running toy cars all over their imaginary town.  And, for the past couple of years, the room has gone back to being a storage space.

And, I have to admit, it has not been kept very clean recently.  The original windows are no longer there and the openings have been covered with screen material.  The original lock on the door broke and I have not replaced it so the door often sits open.  Both of these things allow a great deal of dirt and leaves to get in.

My boys decided they wanted to clean it out and remake it into a space of their own.  I am not sure what their plans are for the space but I’ll take the free labor  As they were taking out boxes of old books and toys leftover from the days a I ran a day care out of my home, they found an old embroidered pillow wrapped tightly in a plastic.  I unwrapped it and saw it was a pillow that belonged to my grandmother.  I’ll have to ask my mom but it is very possible the embroidery on the pillow was done by one of my great grandmothers.  I have no idea how long the pillow has been in that room but when I hugged it,  I could smell my the way this house used to smell when my grandmother lived here.  I could immediately see the green paint on the outside of the house, the way her garden looked, the placement of her furniture in the living room, that pillow on one of her armchairs…. memories immediately came flooding back to me of Christmases and Easters, and occasionally birthdays and visits just because…. I can remember playing in what we all called the back bedroom even though it was at the front of the house and looking through my grandmother’s photo albums….

And even though she’s been gone for just over two years now, in that moment, I missed her as if I had just held her hand and said good bye for the last time.  I stood there in my kitchen hugging this pillow so tightly and crying – and not just because of how sad I was that she was gone but also because I still have all these memories of her and I realized how much she loved me and how lucky I am to have had her in my life.

This book marks the 10th in my quest to 1000.  At the moment, reaching 1000 books seems a bit impossible but  I have lots and lots of years ahead of me to reach that goal  ;)

I have habit of purchasing books for their covers – much like the way I tend to choose wines for their labels.  And much like with wines, sometimes  I am pleasantly surprised by the books I choose and sometimes I am not.  Unfortunately, with this book, the cover was the only thing I really loved about it.  I will say at times when I just wanted to stop reading this book and pass it on to someone who might appreciate it more there was something that kept bringing me back to the book.

You can read some more of my thoughts about this book and the description from the cover here.

A little while ago, I took myself to the movies.  I really wanted to see the new “Alice in Wonderland” movie and plans I had repeatedly made to see it with other people kept falling apart.  I went on Easter Sunday.  Did you know the mall is closed on Easter Sunday?  I didn’t. The only thing open, besides the movie theatre, was the bookstore.  Since I have the habit of arriving everywhere early (especially to movies) I decided to ‘just look’ around the bookstore until it was time for my movie to start.  If you know me, you’ll know it is nearly impossible for me to enter a book store and leave empty handed.  I walked up and down the aisles.  I browsed the books on sale.  I found the new releases.  I found this book.  When I saw it, I actually laughed out loud “have a little faith”?  yeah right.  Something in me told me to buy it.  I’ve read other books by this author and liked them so I figured I would like this book too.  I had no idea how powerful this book would end up being to me.

You can hear more of my thoughts about this book as well as the description form the cover here.

This morning, like most mornings, I woke up at 6:15 and like most mornings the first thing I did was to I reach over and turn off the alarm. My alarm happens to be my phone and so naturally the next thing I did was check my email, twitter and facebook accounts.  WAIT….WHAT?!? Naturally that’s the next thing I did?  When did that become normal?  Natural? We’re talking about me here.  This is the woman (ha! look at that, I didn’t call myself a girl!) who could go days,  weeks even without checking email and who didn’t have a clue about social networking.  Heck, I didn’t even know what a blog was and look, now I have one.

I credit my husband for introducing me into the world of computers, the internet, and the online world. And don’t get me wrong, I’m not being sarcastic.  He’s big on tech and has taught me so much and if it hadn’t been for the knowledge I’ve gained from him, I would never have met Heather! Now, I can’t imagine my life with out her in it  And when she can live over 3000 miles away from me and send me pictures of her wedding dress she bought on ebay through our phones and I can see it instantly?  I love technology!  What baffles me is how did I get so attached to it?

I don’t like technology when I feel it runs my life and if the first thing I do everyday is check in with my online life? It’s totally running my life and  I don’t like that.  That’s not who I am.  That’s not who I want to be.  I decided I needed a change.  I needed a new way to start my day…

So, funny thing happened.  I went to Target to pick up a cover for my steering wheel and a sun shade for the windshield.  I had to pass by the cds, movies and books to get to the automotive department and as I turn the corner,  there is a whole display of daily devotional books staring me in the face.  Wait? What?  Devotional books at Target?!? I had to laugh. Things like this have happened a lot in my life lately and have taught me that God is there and He is listening to me.  I have also learned to pay attention and not to just dismiss these ‘coincidences’ when they show up.  I picked up a copy of “Starting Your Day Right” (by Joyce Meyer) because that is exactly is what I needed , a new , better, right way to start my day. Something to bring my focus back to the things which are really important to me.

I’m looking forward to checking in with me instead of my email tomorrow morning