gift exchange
Jerry has a fairly large family and each year for Christmas, they pull names for a gift exchange. The idea is to make sure everyone has gift at the family gathering and they set a price limit so no one has to spend too much. It’s an idea I’m still getting used to and an idea I’m still not a huge fan of. I just don’t like gift exchanges in general. I think it turns gift giving – what should be an act of love or appreciation for a person – into an obligation. The gifts I’ve cherished the most over the years are ones which have been hand made for me by the gifter and things which have shown me a person really cared about me and took time to get to know me
Don’t get me wrong, I love Sweet’s family and I love hanging out with them for birthdays and holidays but I just don’t see the need for a gift exchange. We are all already purchasing gifts for our immediate families (for example, Jerry and I have bought gifts for his parents and his brother and they have already chosen gifts for us and the kids) and it will be at this gathering we give and receive those gifts. The other families are doing the same. Everyone is already getting a gift to begin with. So, why can’t our time all together. immediate and extended families, be just about that? Being together? Shouldn’t the holidays be more about that and less about just purchasing crap because were ‘supposed’ to?
I’m not opposed to buying a gift for any of the people we’ve been chosen to give to it’s just that, well, I don’t want to buy something they don’t need/want or won’t use/appreciate. What kind of gift is that?
For example, my first Christmas with the family, I was given two box of chocolates. One was given to me by the man who is now my brother. We were meeting for the first time that day but Jerry had mentioned to him I liked chocolate. My soon to be brother had gone out and chosen a very nice assorted box and then took the time to wrap it beautifully. I felt so special and welcomed by his gesture and I loved every piece in that box. The other was just handed to me. Because the family didn’t know I was coming, the host just gave me one she had been given by somebody else at her work. I didn’t eat any candy from that box. Can you see the difference? Last year, I was given a bottle of wine and told “Sorry, we didn’t know you were coming” In both of those last two cases, I felt horrible. Being given a gift in that fashion was worse than not getting a gift at all.
In general, I don’t need gifts. I have always loved giving gifts more than I liked receiving them and I don’t want someone purchasing or giving me a gift because they felt they had to. I don’t want anyone to feel that way about the gifts we are giving to them and I worry that since I don’t know that family that well, the gifts we give might be seen in that way. It’s just turned gift giving into such a stressful situation, one I am not enjoying, and I don’t think it should be that way. Next year, if we pull names again, I am going to suggest each person writes down 3 or 5 things they would like to receive with in the price range set and maybe that will help the situation.
Am I making any sense or am I just being Grinchy?
Posted: December 16th, 2009 under Family, Growing Pains, Life - As I Know It.
Tags: Chirstmas, fail, Family, gifts, Holiday, losing my mind, Memories
Comments
Comment from DevotedSatellite333
Time December 27, 2009 at 6:50 am
I don’t think you’re being Grinchy. I haven’t voiced my opinion to the family at large, but it doesn’t really make sense to me either. The way it works now, you could just as easily buy something for yourself and just _say_ it came from someone else. Because all of the individual families have been separated by physical space (which wasn’t the case in the past), we’re not as close as we once were, or at least we don’t have a bead on what each of us is up to (what our interests are, etc.) like we once did. So the gift exchange, as it works now, has become an exercise in communicating with other members of the family who _are_ close to the person whose name you’ve drawn. _That_ doesn’t mean anything, _that’s_ the problem with the gift exchange. I think the solution lies in trying to inject meaning back into the gift exchange by reconnecting with the family. I don’t have any delusions that things could be like they once were, but I know I feel guilty about not picking up the phone or dropping a line more than I have. So my hope for the new year is that I turn that around and maybe next gift exchange I won’t have to rely on other people telling me what I should give. That’s not what gift-giving is about.
Comment from Meera
Time December 19, 2009 at 7:33 pm
Yes! You make total sense. I think it’s clear because you even give the example of how you got two identical gifts (chocolate) and one meant so much more to you than the other. I love gifts –getting and giving– but I agree that it’s no fun to give or receive one based on obligation.